Dualities of Relationships

I haven’t done much research into this topic, but it is something that am curious. Have you ever been around someone and you feel like this energy from them? With some individuals you automatically gravitate with them because of confidence and power, and other individuals they have this calm vibe about them. I once had a mentor talk to me about masculinity and femininity regarding the different poles and how it’s necessary to lean on one side to attract the other.

The way my mentor told me was in an analogy ” masculinity it’s like a train even if it rains or there obstacles etc you have to keep moving without stopping, there needs to be a direction and move steadfast towards it. Feminine energy is more like the passengers in the train enjoying themselves knowing that they will be taken care of. ” To me it kind of made sense, but I did not fully comprehend that in the moment till about a week ago.

During a visit to a city I met a women who was acting rather masculine; the way she spoke and acted reminded me of a male. It felt like during the whole conversation there was no attraction but more of conflict. She referred herself to as a ” Dike” I was rather intrigued and asked further questions. Then I notice that when I sit with a feminine women I could see am rather attracted or the women appeals to me. The energy of a person just feels different or you could just refer to their personalities.

One thing is for certain there is a dominant and a submissive person in relationships. I notice and read upon that for a relationship to work there has to be a dominant individual and a submissive individual. This does not mean being passive all the time; but usually or not one individual takes lead while the other follow. One way to tell who is dominant in a relationship is to look who has their hand on top. The person who is submissive has it in the bottom, don’t think this true? Change positions of your hands and see if it “Feels” right.

Sex Routine

I once heard that people get bored with intercourse because it becomes routine and I thought could something this amazing and interesting become dull? Off course we have to understand that everyone has different schedules, different lifestyles and have different priorities. Once we reach adult hood most of us stop learning, if we pick up a book is cause we are force too. This means most individuals sex life stagnates the same way everything else does. Today we will be talking about a few positions that could bring a new form of experience, don’t worry their basic and doesn’t require much flexibility or killing yourself.

Many position’s you already do could be modified essentially add a little different twist and could stimulate other regions in the vaginal. One of them is missionary position which essentially the man is lying on top of the women, this is the position in which maybe everyone who has had intercourse has experienced. This position could stimulate the clitoris if you do a rocking motion. One way to modify this position is by putting a solid pillow which does not fold in under pressure much. Place the pillow under her lower back and above her butt to raise the pelvis. This would allow a more diagonal entry which allows to stimulate other regions within the vaginal.

missionary-position

Another form off modifying missionary position is for the man to be on his knees and the women to have her legs held by the partner in the air. You could also have one leg down and one up and switch them when you desire to or just have both of her legs two the side of the man knees to relax. Depending on this different positions the depth of penetration and motion could be very stimulating. As a man when you are on your knees do a motion of upwards to stimulate the g-spot. Be careful if your above average in penis size cause it could hurt the women in the depth you are going in her.

missionary-position-modified

In the above positions you could still put a pillow under and see what is more satisfying and stimulating. Remember if the women is engorged because the vaginal is made of the same tissue like the penis so it gets puffy the women will feel more due to the fact that the interior walls are puffy and the surrounding area of penis will add friction to the walls.

One more advice in intercourse the way to last longer is to not get overtly excited, it’s rather calming down. The PNS  also know as Parasympathetic system “The part of the involuntary nervous system that serves to slow the heart rate, increase intestinal and glandular activity, and relax the sphincter muscles” Essentially this is the system that relax’s you, during intercourse breathe in thru your nose slowly this will help you stay calm instead of speeding up. You add this with kegel exercises and you could last as long as you want to with practice.

One other advice is when males are having intercourse they don’t go all the way out and in. Basically it’s like you’re using half the penis instead of the full size. Also going all the way out in and in could stimulate the nerve endings in the opening of the vaginal; this is very arousing and could be in a sense teasing. Yes to some degree this requires discipline and meditation helps, but if you desire more experiences sexually you have to try out new things.

Parasympathetic Nervous system

Sympathetic Nervous System

Seduction

Last night before falling asleep I was wondering about dating and intercourse and how one or the other lead to intimacy. Then I was wondering why we are attracted to a person and I came up with a few ideas. Interestingly today in the morning I was hearing a mentor talking about a community where guys receive advice on dating. I have no problem with the dating industry just that you have to be careful to who you hear; but this community reminded me of man having a negative view on women or just upset for a bad experience. Also not saying all women are nice and gentle and caring is the same for man.

I will show you a few sections of the advice man are receiving on attracting women on this specific forum. ” I usually don’t ask questions like, “When are you free?” or, “What’s your schedule?” Unless we’ve already met and fucked. It gives her a chance to think (women are bad at this) and make a choice (women are worse at this).” “Even before you go out on the date you should be looking in the mirror reminding yourself how lucky this bitch is to go out with you. You are the prize.”Take that bitch to laser tag. Take her to a walk in the woods and fuck her on a park bench. Take that bitch out to drinks then get dinner after you’ve already felt her up (Then feel her up more at dinner), Cook dinner at your place (My personal favorite), do anything you can to break away from the traditional dinner for two stereotypical date. Throw some danger and adventure at that ho.”

When I was reading this I was like some individuals have bad emotions associated with women. I understand to a certain degree because we have had a bad encounter with the opposite sex or same-sex. At times I have wondered what women desire or if I did something wrong. I believe as humans we wonder this things and their not always something you could do. The only problem with this is that man who follow this are going to have future bad relationships or are going to hurt someone and then someone else will get hurt.

I was once told that you attract people to who you are as a person. Essentially the world around you is a reflection of who you are. I could honestly say I was here once and I had an interesting life; then again I wasn’t always fulfilled emotionally. It kind of sucks seeing that other people are being badly informed and will follow that advice and hurt other people. Relationships could be a little complicated and confusing to navigate and seduction could be fun, am pretty sure women and man out their sometimes wonder if their doing the right thing or not sure what to do next.

Rape Fantasies

I was hearing a podcast and this conversation came up, it was a group of feminist talking about how they are asked about rape fantasies and if it’s wrong to have them if their feminist. This is a topic which I don’t agree with; always have consent but the topic is researched and from personal experience I believe women sexuality is really misunderstood. Women sexuality is really constrained and what exactly do women desire, off course every women is different but nonetheless it makes for an interesting conversation. Only read this if you are mature and trying to maybe understand why you have certain interest in certain taboo things.

Before going into this topic the definition of feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men” so if you feel like this is against feminism is entirely wrong. To have certain fetishes or kinks or fantasies doesn’t go against the fact that women want to be equal to men. Remember everyone has different forms of reaching orgasms and sexuality is different for everyone.

We will start with a few stories of women and rape fantasies. “I am a young virgin peasant girl whose family is one of many that works the land of a rich landowner; the landowner or his son forces himself on me, and I know I have no choice but to let him do what he wants. Or I am the school whore or a social misfit, and the football team is taking turns with me. I am still coming to terms with the fact that things that I find to be wrong—rape; taking advantage of those without power—are the things that bring me to mind-blowing orgasms.”

“The rape scene from The Accused, I’m ashamed to say.”
“A married, older man that I work with, who I’m not even all that attracted to, fucking me from behind against a whiteboard—we work at a school—and hitting my face against it. Then he turns me around so that I can fellate him. Him coming on my face.”

Women have confessed and I’ve researched into this things of why women desire things that are considered “wrong”. Individuals who are unfaithful who are into BDSM which stands for Bondage, dominance, Submission/Sadism, and Masochism. I ask myself why are people into forms of punishment or being dominated by another person. The answers I’ve gotten from rape fantasies is the act of letting go being taken over, having no control of the outcome. Does this come from genetics that in pre historic times man forced them selfs upon women? Or could this be more of an innate animalistic instinct?

People fantasize things, but it does not mean that they would actually like to be raped. One is theory in the mind and it actually happening could have fatal consequences. It makes me wonder if this is more of a society condition of constrains or individuals trying to release themselves from everyday stresses. The research does not conclude and still requires much more research to be done. One thing is for certain is that individuals desire something different not just the lovely things portrait in cinema.

Personal experience and speaking to women has shown me that most women are fearful to really explore intercourse. They afraid that they will be judged or will deem as bad women, and spat on. I notice that even thought women do desire to have the tenderness they also desire the thrill the adventure with a hint of danger. A few past lovers confessed that they where afraid to explore certain things with their previous lover because they might not be liked or seen slutty. Remember everyone has their own way of expressing sexuality, don’t hate yourself or look down upon yourself because most likely than not someone else has the same desire. Just be aware that if you are trying to hurt someone then seek help; always go for consent.

References

Bergen, Daniel( 2013) What Do Women Want? HarperCollins Publishers ( Australia) Pty. Ltd.

What are Emotions

Every individual feels emotions even people who are considered to some degree psychopathic. Emotions vary from individual to individual but emotions could be a very positive thing and sometimes seems rather an annoyance. I will show you what emotions mean and how you can re-direct your own emotions into positive outlets that could benefit you in you’r own life.

According to Dictionary.com emotions are “an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.” Essentially emotions are felt after you had a certain thought about a particular thing. Imagine a situation where you seen a snake and you thought be careful. This would lead to the emotion of fear, in a different scenario you know how to deal with snakes so you think this will be fun. The different form of thinking will make you feel excited and not fearful.

Feelings are their to guide us and tell us wisdom about ourselves. According to The Secret Language of Feelings by Cal Bryan “What are feelings for? Why are they all good? Fortunately, the answer is very simple. All feelings are good, because their purpose is to provide us with information, direction and motivation that will help us create a satisfying life.Our feelings are a product of our internal wisdom, which is attempting to guide us and motivate us to satisfy our needs, wants and desires”. The feelings or emotions we feel are there for a reason, it’s the feelings which tell us where to go next and what we really want.

A good example the author uses is a car and how we need to maintain the vehicle to function properly for us. The methapor is ”

Now to our metaphor. A car has basic needs, such as the need for oil or gas, that must be attended to in order to keep it running in a reliable way. To ensure that these needs are addressed, cars are equipped with indicator lights that go on when there’s an action the driver needs to take.

For example, a car needs oil to function reliably. When the oil gets low, the indicator light on the car’s dashboard alerts the driver, so that she can take the appropriate action of filling the oil reservoir. (Author’s note: I use “she” as the universal pronoun throughout this book, to avoid the awkward “he or she” and the plural “they.”)

We’re like the car—we also have needs that must be satisfied in order to function optimally. Our feelings indicate what need is calling for attention, just like the lights and gauges on the dashboard of a car alert us to what the car needs”.

The author points out eleven different feelings and what they mean

  • Bored – When you feel bored, it is a voice inside of you saying, “I need to experience growth and challenge in my life.”
  • Anger – Anger is a voice inside that says, “I think what is going on here is unfair!”
  • Guilty – Anger has a twin sister and her name is Guilt. When you feel guilty it is a voice inside of you saying, “I feel I’ve been unfair to someone.”
  • Sad – Sadness is a voice that says, “I have lost someone or something important to me.”
  • Lonely – When you feel lonely, it’s a voice inside of you saying, “I need to be with someone I care about and who cares about me.”
  • Inadequate – Inadequacy is a voice inside of you saying, “I feel like there’s something wrong with me.”
  • Stress – Stress is the voice inside of you saying, “I feel like I have too much to do.”
  • Fear – Fear is a voice inside of you saying, “I think something bad is going to happen.”
  • Frustrated – Frustration is a voice inside saying, “What I’m doing isn’t working!”
  • Depressed – Depression is a voice inside of you saying ”I quit —it hurts too much to continue to try anymore.”
  • Sympathy – Sympathy can cause you to feel “bad” because someone else is hurting. It can also activate emotions from your past through emotional resonance.

Emotions are complex and rather different for each individual, just ask yourself why you feel the way you feel. The answer will come slowly, but it will make you more aware of yourself. This does take time to examine yourself so it will take time and have patience.

Example for me personally I was frustrated and sad, whatever I was doing was not working and I thought I lost something important to me. I understood what my body was telling me and I took action to heal that emotion.

References

Calvin D. Banyan (2003) The Secret Language Of Feelings. Abbot Publishing House, Inc., Minnesota