Monogamy Dead?

This will be a two-part article the first based on research and the other part me speaking to my dating mentor. I have always found this topic rather interesting because I know as a society we look for security and something consistent even thought deep down we might desire something else. I have seen many women and spoken to women who have struggled with having sexual desire or even feeling anything but staying with a partner because of peer pressure, society stigma against women sexuality, “The right thing to do”, feeling bad, or following a close friend or someone else advise because they might know better.

First I started to notice in couple therapy they put desire down, because they know after sometime it is hard to reach. “But maybe of all, the circle was being consecrated as psychiatric doctrine because it gave sex therapists and couples counselors a solution to one of their most prevalent and stubborn problems–women’s faint or non-existent desire for their husband or long-term partner. The solution was low expectations. Clinicians had latched on to the diagram. They’d distilled it into a three-word lesson that they taught in treatment: “Desire follows arousal.” They taught that arousal might take some time. Patience was necessity; slowness and faintness were entirely fine; “lust” should be banished from the vocabulary.” I found this rather sad the fact that we have to lower expectations because the desire wouldn’t be there. ” Occasionally Bason acknowledged that the new might be a key to combustion”. I have also seen how if a women was with a partner for ten years and she couldn’t desire or get”wet” but give her a new partner and all that changes.

It’s interesting are we being led against something biological? ” And Brotto wasn’t maintaining that she could grant her patients what they actually wished for. She had quoted to me from their files: “I want to have sex where I feel like I’m Craving it.” She sighed. She couldn’t provide that, not without a semimiracle or someone new in the patients bed. I asked her about an irony within the DSM work: that while disorders were supposed to be abnormal, HSDD seemed to be a normal abnormality, a condition that was largely not psychiatric but created by our most common domestic arrangement. It makes me wonder how much of women erotic and desire do we really understand? “Leaning against the rail of his viewing tower, staring down at his monkeys and remembering the small cages that distorted the sexual interaction between females and males, Wallen thought that monogamy was, for women, a culture care–one of many cultural cage–distorting libido. He spoke about the research Brotto had mentioned: hundreds of women followed for fifteen years or longer, their relationships, biochemistry, desire relentlessly recorded. “The idea that monogamy serves the natural sexuality of women may not be accurate,” he said”.

Having new partners I have personally notice it liberates women and I noted a new sense of relief. ” Meana was sure that it wasn’t, ” I have male friends who tell me about new relationships. They say they’ve never been with a women ho’s so sexual. They’re thrilled. And I’m thinking, just wait.” Not only did monogamy not enhance female sexuality, but it was likely worse for women than men.” I at times have seen women stick it out and I understand. At times they might deviate and then feel bad, and I am like your only doing what you deeply desire. It makes me wonder if Monogamy is really all that it is made out to be, I am starting to notice that swinging might actually be better for the long-term.

references

What Do Women Want

Sex At Dawn

Sexual Fluidity

 

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