Breaking Point

As it is getting long I will publish the rest in another blog post.

Vulnerable

It came to my attention that a friend had her images displayed because she left her boyfriend; which within itself is cowardly from his side. I will be writing about this within a story that happen about a year or so ago I remember being in an upscale condo in Sacramento with Allisa. If you read “The Power of Desire” I mentioned who she is. I am grateful for meeting her and the connections which I undoubtedly owe her more than words could suffice.

I remember looking out onto the bay as she laid asleep as I contemplated many things and Allisa came up repeatedly, how vulnerable she became with me even thought she is thirty years older than me. During my night stay I became aware she has multiple companies and is very confident within herself. I notice the humbleness which she displayed without reserve. Being brought up in San Fransisco her family didn’t have much which made her strive to be very successful. She accomplished the “American dream”, but wasn’t satisfied with having money. Now she owns multiple privately owned charities which she gives back in many ways. I was captivated by how caring she could be, but I knew she didn’t tolerate dishonesty by the way she spoke about honesty. As her walls came down little by little because I figured we would only see one another that night so I thought; she told me about family, relationships, insecurities, business, friends, love, things she detested, views on feminist ideals and things that shocked me. I didn’t expect for a women who I perceived as very confident show this many insecurities inside.

As I questioned and discussed many things throughout the night I learn to appreciate the little moments in which you share with someone even if it’s limited at times. When someone gives themselves to you so to speak it is something that is special. When seeing someone flaws and positive traits getting a more concrete image of a person and seeing the more authentic side underneath I believe is something not everyone shares with just anyone. Physically being with someone and them having trust that they will be safe with you I believe is a compliment and it’s something that is admirable. The moments you share blissfully with a person when time seizes to exist because all you perceive is one another; that is worthwhile and cherished in my perspective.

I could honestly say I detest when someone exposes another person because they are hurt. I understand the feeling, but that doesn’t justify the emotional weight you put on the other person for reviling things that some individuals consider very private. It’s really unfair that if a person gave themselves to you for that period of time and you use it against them. If the individual trusted you that much to send or let you take images of them; that within itself should be sacred and respected.

references

The Power Of Desire 

Desire Pill

Have you ever felt desire dwindling or felt you lack sexual drive? I was looking into how to make desire last in a long-term relationship. If the waning of lust or yearning could be brought back. I remember the pharmaceutical companies are creating pills in which would spike women desire back up, essentially the same as what Viagra does to men.

Apparently America is a big market for such pills ” medications, molecules aimed by pharmaceutical giants at the same despair, the feeling of desire’s vanishing, aimed at the same market, worth over four billion dollars a year in America alone”. As well it made me wonder why hasn’t a pill been made yet. It’s also interesting how birth control pills effect some women than others differently ” women whose antidepressants suffocate their desire. He would have a way to understand one of the conundrums of his field: why birth control pills snuffed out sexuality in some– but far from all–women”. It seems like women desire is rather more complex than males.

I wondered if a women desire seems to wain from more of a psychological perspective and why has no pill been approved by the FDA. The mind tends to control the body and sometimes vice versa, as well political has to do with the pills not being approved. ” Another reason was bound up with a David-and-Goliath battle that some therapist saw themselves fighting heroically against the drug industry–against its rush to find, win FDA approval for, and market what is loosely known as a female Viagra. Since the late nineties, when pharmaceutical companies has begun making billions by assisting erections with a chemical that affected the capillaries of the penis, the corporations had been seeking an equivalent for women. But this hadn’t been going smoothly, because women’s sexual problems usually aren’t genital; they’re entrenched in psycholigcal.” If this is true wouldn’t it be as easy as thinking differently? Or is it much deeper than just the thought process and something more biological?

The more political side of it would be society would change dramatically. The resonated with what Goldstein recounted from his involvement with Flibanserin. In Flibanserin’s trials, he hadn’t taken his usual outsider’s role, interviewing women, dispensing medication. He’d been hired as an advisor by the corporation that owned the molecule; he’d been in on strategy sessions. “When you’re going to the FDA with this kind of drug, there’s the sense that you want your effects to be good but not to good.” he said. Too good hadn’t turned out to be Flibanserin’s problem, but, he explained. “There was a lot of discussion about it by the experts in the room, the need to show that you’re not turning women into nymphomaniacs. There’s a bias, a bias against– a fear of creating the sexuality aggressive women. here’s this idea of societal breakdown.” This off course would be very negative to how society been structured for the last millenium or so. As far as we know off course.

As far I am aware the companies have not been able to find a drug that brings desire or lust back within a relationship. There are a few theories of why, I think there is other remedies but it is things I would have to test out first.

refrences

( Daniel,Bergner. What Do Women Want? United States : HarperCollins Publishers Inc. June 2013)

Fatal Mistakes

Three years ago I met this women called Daisy at subway on Vermont and Sunset. At that point it was my destination every other day to go work there. Oddly she came back into my life now but I didn’t see her the same as before. When I first seen her eating a tuna sandwich she seemed rather sad and in agony. I spoke to her if I could join and smiled to cheer her day up. I felt her sadness and I couldn’t help but wonder why would she be sad. Her blond hair fell to her shoulder width and pink small lips formed a sad smile, her blue eyes showing sadness even tears forming. I spoke to her softly to ease her tension, and told her that this is a new beginning for her. She smiled and laughed. Her eyes glowed with happiness which I thought was good because life is pleasant. As we spoke she started to tell me what is going on.

Daisy was twenty-four at the time and had broken up with her abusive boyfriend who she was for Twelve years. Yes I was surprised she was with him since middle school, at the time we spoke. They had broken up two months prior and I could tell the effects were still strong at that point. She was studying art and drew very well which captivated my interest. She was failing miserably in school because her life was more dedicated to her e.x at that point. I started to guide her to be more focus on herself and finish school because she has so much talent; I didn’t want to see that go to waste. Her ambitious were grand and I pushed her to see the confidence I seen in her.

Two months after meeting her I started an open relationship with her, being very brittle she started to smile more and became very caring. Being really attractive she started to turn heads and radiated this exuberance of happiness. At that point being only with one partner her whole life she was ready to bloom; ripe for spring so too speak. As her sexuality expanded she became more feminine and her body language/self-confidence just grew. Five months later her e.x contacted her and I became aware because I believe in honesty is mutual. I notice her internal turmoil and consolidated her, but always let her do as she desires. I warned her what would happen if she went back with him; I knew she desired a relationship. Eventually she started with him again and I let her be.

Three years into the future she is twenty-seven and I am twenty-two. We met up as she contacted me. I was intrigued what happen to her after such a long time; apparently he became abusive again she left school and I was astounded but felt empathy towards her. He cheated on her and left her when I think she is really attractive and has such a great personality if you see inside her walls. I was infuriated but then again its a choice she made. At the end I kept her as a friend because I respect her and had a good connection with her. I doubt I’ll ever seek out more, at times is good to give out an open hand to help someone in need. At times it’s financial other times is emotional and that is something that money can’t buy.

I wrote this with her permission; I don’t write about individuals without their consent.

Three Women Speak

As I sat hearing the song Motivation by Kelly Rowland in Tierra Mia which is a coffee shop, drinking a horchata frappe sitting down I couldn’t help but overhear three young women speaking about intercourse. Sitting in a table near the door they where directly five feet away from me at their own table. It was rather empty being 12pm in the morning, but one of the women was speaking proudly about an experience that caught my attention.

I observe two of the women had black hair and are rather thin, I assumed around 115, no split ends which I figured they must take care of themselves and as well physique. Light brown tone to their complexion, the more excited one has brunette hair; 5’8 and seem toned; I figured from some type of sport. As I approached them I directed my attention to her specifically; I overheard your enthusiastic voice about a recent experience and I believe people would be interested in your story. What do you mean? I blog. About? Sex and relationships; I study this. They all laughed, and they all agreed why not. This off course is the short version off the conversation.

The brunette was Brenda which introduced me to Stephanie and Janet, apparently all college students. Tell me what happen, I have had only one partner in my life till I met this guy his name is Joseph. We met about six months ago and I couldn’t be helped but he tried to flirt with me and is rather daring. I felt this excitement and a little uncomfortable of the fact that he is twenty – eight and I am twenty. This didn’t stop him and last night I gave into him, which shocked me because it took my E.X three year till we had sex. I think he is a bad boy even thought he is older; I think all he wants is sex which is okay with me. They all laughed and giggle; how was the sex?

It was nothing like I ever felt; Like I felt bad and naughty and desired. Like he did a lot to get me; I wore a thong and special lingerie for him. He was extremely rough with me and I enjoyed myself like never before. I had one orgasm but that orgasm was so deep and so exhilarating that it shook my body and left me breathless. He said it was a form of tantra, breathing techniques? ( I figured she had a full body orgasm, I have seen women eyes roll back, full body twitching and not being able to walk from this. Could be really strong when you mix tantra with intercourse). Stephanie saying I haven’t even had an orgasm you lucky b****. Janet apparently hasn’t had intercourse, everyone at their own time.

Brenda was talking to me about how deep can an orgasm go? There this thing in Tantra in which it’s called becoming with one or an all blissful orgasm that shoots out of your head and you feel at peace. People say it’s possible but it requires knowing your breathing techniques, hmm maybe Joseph could help me with that. Yes, he sounds experience and I am thinking you will be enjoying yourself with him. Yes I am!

 

Come As You Are

I am usually curious about how women inhibit their sexuality or I usually try to understand why a women wouldn’t be comfortable in her own body. Everyone has a different answer; let’s look into a book I have found intriguing.

While being raised to some extent I figured women are more sexual than presumed. It made me wonder why then tell women that they are “slutty” or “whore” when they are just expressing themselves? “We’re raising women to be sexually dysfunctional, with all the ‘no’ messages we’re giving them about diseases and shame and fear. And then as soon as they’re eighteen they’re supposed to be sexual rock stars, multiorgasmic and totally uninhibited. It doesn’t make any sense. None of the things we do in our society prepares women for that.” It would make more sense if women are raised to enjoy themselves so they could have more healthy relationships with themselves and with others. You could put a male in the same situation and he would be praised for exploring and enjoying himself.

I found this passage rather interesting “I am done living in a world where women are lied to about their bodies; where women are objects of sexual desire but not subjects of sexual pleasure; where sex is used as a weapon against women; and where women believe their bodies are broken, simply because those bodies are not male. And I am done living in a world where women are trained from birth to treat their bodies as the enemy.” As more information comes out daily it would make sense to bring one another up not down. Yes not everyone is the same, but nonetheless it doesn’t make sense to put someone down. If sex is such a big thing why are people so insecure about talking about it or expressing it? It has to do with social norms and a lot to do how we are brought up from a young age.

At the end the message is the same, we are all the same just different in are own unique way. “We know by now that there’s no such thing as normal—or rather, that we’re all normal. We’re all made of the same parts as everyone else, organized in a unique way. No two alike.”  So I agree to come as you are because in your own each way each one of you are special; if that touched you then smile to someone because you never know what a smile could do.

reference

(Emily Nagoski, Come As You Are, Scribe Publications, 2015)

Female Libido Repressed?

There has always been this argument whether a man has more desire and drive for intercourse than women. I am starting to think the only reason why they say man have more sexual desire is because women are put down from showing sexual desire or to have intercourse. Women have as much sexual drive as any man or even more, ever wondered why women could have multiple orgasms?

I notice many individuals try to hide their sexuality, many individuals care about what other people think of them. I was once read that when you stop caring what other people think you are able to finally live. ” Thought many strive to hide their human libidinousness from themselves and each other, being a force of nature, it breaks through. Lots of uptight, proper Americans were scandalized by the way Elvis moved his hips when he sang “rock and roll.” But how many realized what the phrase rock and roll meant? Cultural historian Michael Ventura, investigating the roots of African-American music, found the rock ‘n’ roll was a term that originated in the juke joints of the south. Long in use by the time Elvis appeared, Ventura explains the phrase “hadn’t meant the name of the music, it meant ‘to fuck.’ ‘Rock,’ by itself, has pretty much meant that, in those circles, since the twenties at least.” By the mid-1950’s, when the phrase was becoming widely used in mainstream culture, Ventura says the disc jockeys “either didn’t know what they were saying or were to shy to admit what they knew.” The thing’s we enjoy its the things we try to suppress.

“Before the war on drugs, the war on terror, or the war on cancer, there was the war on female sexual desire. It’s a war that has been raging far longer than any other, and it’s victims number well into the billions by now. Like the others, it’s a war that can never be won, as the declared enemy is a force of nature. We may as well declare war on the cycles of the moon.” It doesn’t make sense why we try repress a women libido; when if it was released everyone would enjoy one another more. ” Sex for pleasure with various partners is therefore more “human” than animal. Strictly reproductive, once-in-a-blue-moon sex is more “animal” than human. In other words, n excessively horny monkey is acting “human,” while a man or women uninterested in sex more than once or twice a year would be, strictly speaking, “acting like an animal.”

How has societies change with new information and different belief systems? ” Remember the Tenth Commandment: “Thou shalt not covert thy neighbors house, thou shalt not covert thy neighbors wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his as, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbor’s.” Clearly, the biggest loser (aside from slaves perhaps) in the agriculture revolution was the human female, who went from occupying a central respected role in foraging societies to becoming another possession for a man to earn and defend, along with his house, slaves, and livestock.”

As people are becoming more liberal and exploring new ideas; it makes me wonder how society will be in fifty years. Liberate and help as many people as possible to explore the unexplored and give them confidence.

Christopher,Ryan. (2010) Sex At Dawn. US. HarperCollins

 

 

Human Nature?

I have always been intriguing about why individuals stray or cheat and it makes me wonder if it’s biological? If something was so natural to us to be monogamous then why go long length to seek something else out? It makes me just ponder if it is out of fear based or a socially constructed idea of having marriage.

“And yet, despite repeated assurances that women aren’t particularly sexual creatures, in cultures around the world men have gone to extraordinary lengths to control female libido: female genital mutilation, head-to-toe chador, medieval witch burnings, chastity belts, suffocating corsets, muttered insults about “insatiable” whores, pathologizing, paternalistic medical diagnoses of nymphomania of hysteria, the debilitating scorn heaped on any female who chooses to be generous with her sexuality..all parts of a worldwide campaign to keep the supposedly low-key female libido under control. Why the electrified high-security razor wire fence to contain a kitty-cat?” It always makes me wonder why hide the fact that women are highly sexual beings?

How did we get to the ideas we have today about mating, dating, sexuality? “Marriage,” mating,” and “love” are socially constructed phenomena that have little or no transferable meaning outside any given culture. The examples we’ve noted of rampant ritualized group sex, mate-swapping unrestrained casual affairs, and socially sanctioned sequential sex were all reported in cultures that anthropologists insist are monogamous simply because they’ve determined that something they call “marriage” takes place there. No wonder so many insist that marriage, monogamy, and the nuclear family are human universals. With such all-encompassing interpretations of the concepts, even the prairie vole, who “sleeps with anyone” would qualify.” It’s interesting how we hide the other things that happen behind closed doors.

Is being with one individual really natural? Or is it having open relationships more common? ” No group-living nonhuman primate is monogamous, and adultery has been documented in every human culture studied including those in which fornicator are routinely stoned to death. In light of all this bloody retribution, it’s hard to see how monogamy comes “naturally” to our species. Why would so many risk their reputations, families, career- even presidential legacies for something that runs against human nature? Were monogamy an ancient, evolved train characteristics of our species, as the standard narrative insists, these ubiquitous transgressions would be infrequent and such horrible enforcement unnecessary. No creature needs to be threatened with death to act in accord with its own nature”.

It makes me wonder if is fear or is a socially constructed ideas that we have about dating and how we manage are interpersonal relationships.

references

Christopher,Ryan. (2010) Sex At Dawn. US. HarperCollins

Different Perspective on Love

Today I finally got to see my business mentor; he left to France and came back and left again. He off course is vastly different from my other mentor but both have achieved great thing’s in their own perspective. Being In DockWeiler Beach today in the morning it is rather windy and very warm and sunny as we walked down the long bike route. I appreciate his calmness and politeness as he is fifty years old now. His perspective shows me how vastly people see things in life and how we choose are own beliefs.

How are you he asked? I am fine and feeling well now. How is everything regarding business and relationships. They are great and getting better, how about intimate. I smiled and said they are looking up. We were both in suits and the warm weather was not helping. You have much wisdom to offer me; what do you think about love and intercourse? I don’t think you have asked me that before, what is wrong? I was off course sincere, but I am asking to broaden my perspective. As he stopped I stopped and he turned towards the beach and spoke gently and softly.

What do you see when you look into the water? I see depth and wisdom and much that has not been explored. Now imagine women as water, fluid, dancing, energy that doesn’t stop flowing. Always changing; at times warm at other times cold. At times the water moves rapidly and other times it moves slow and gentle. You can’t contain an ocean in a cup; you just guide and nourish it and when it needs direction you move it in that direction. Be the wind that moves the water and gently guide it; not the boat that just goes thru it. As I felt the wind against my skin and the heavy jacket on my shoulders; I understood what he was saying.

I am aware that me and your other mentor have different perspectives on this; did you follow your deepest heart-felt truth? Yes I did, then there is nothing else to do son. Doing what you desire and following your truth in this life is what makes you grow the fastest. I believe you know everything is interconnected; things don’t happen by chance. I know but at times I like to believe am guiding things. Then Can you explain somethings that have happen in the last few years? Not everything. Then remember just because the current of the ocean is going another way doesn’t mean it won’t come back towards you.

Be patient, be understanding, and don’t be afraid to let yourself go. You have much wisdom it makes me wonder how I could grow faster. He smiled take your time and enjoy the moment. You understand that you shared something deeply with someone; yes. Was the moments worth everything? Yes. Did you grow? Yes. What else you want? Communication. You know what words are? Yes a form of medium to transmit information. Yes I am also aware that words are meaningless; I at times had a hard time to find the words to express something that wasn’t expressible thru words. I believe the eyes showed everything that needed to be said; then she knows son.

Relationships and Sex

I’ve been asked to talk about relationships and sex about my own personal views. How has it differed from back when I was younger till now because they notice my writing has changed and why? I appreciate the people who have been following me for some time now and thanks, This is how I see Relationships and Sex.

At the age of ten I became sexually active so I was an early bloomer and have been sexually active since then. Intercourse from ten till around seventeen was just intercourse and it was addicting because of the dopamine release, I was essentially active every single day. This lead for me to gain experience from different partners but intercourse was Vanilla and the traditional positions; but I had a flair for danger and getting away with it. Around the age of seventeen I got into trouble and everything changed. I tend to look at this time as how I was and how I am now. I changed most of my demeanor and started to read, meditate, aiming for something higher, take risks. Sex within itself became deeper and had more meaning. I was taught rough sex, a bit of tantra, a little bit of Bondage and partners who were more into sadism. I remember intercourse would only last from 3-10 minutes when I was young and on average that is how long most males last, but then it is biological unless you learn otherwise. My preferences where off course fast paced intercourse at that time, now I prefer intercourse to be more sensual, rough, and alternate speed to expand intercourse into thirty – forty minutes. I believe in enjoying a partner as long as possible and seeing how far you could take them.

Relationships is vastly different and come in many different forms. When I was a teenager I believed in monogamy and was firm on my belief. At that age I did date here and there and I understood how to “keep” a relationship going. They never lasted because of my over highly sexual libido at that time and also for many insecurities I had when I was younger. I don’t date now as often and very rarely do I consider dating. Women have to catch my attention mentally, emotionally, physically for me to really desire to date. I care for all my partners; but only two have taken me that deeply. My intimate relationships now are more fulfilling and I get to understand my partners at a deeper level. I won’t deny the fact that I still do believe in monogamy to the extent that you understand a women sexuality is different from social norms. I believe to stay in a long-term relationship at least for me it will have to be someone liberal as me and who is highly sexual and is open to trying many new things. I think intimately I believe relationships are there to help you grow and expand and not become a routine.

My personal views on relationships and sex? I think it comes down to who you are as a person. The intercourse and communication and understanding only came from knowledge and applying that knowledge. I essentially changed myself and I understand there is still much more to understand and grow. I never understood that your life is a reflection of who you are; then it dawned on me one day when I was asking myself what has changed. I don’t know how else to put this, but if you don’t take the risk or believe in yourself to get what you want or desire you will never know what would’ve have been. I mean this in relationships and sex; I personally believe in doing what you want. This is the reason why I attract the partners I attract; find something that makes you attractive but it has to be a reflection of who you are.

At end there is so much to learn and grasp and understand. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my mentors and friends and family. I had the opportunity to be with some very wonderful women; I have learned a lot and continue to learn and grow. Be the best you can be I believe so when you meet is a no brainer:}.

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