I was asked about open relationships and I hope this clarifies why I prefer open relationships over monogamy. After reading substantially about human beings and are nature it seems pretty clear that we where not meant to be just with a single partner. I will put every book I have read at the end, you could make your own informed decision. I will talk about open relationships, polygamy, monogamy, and how I personally set up my relationships. I don’t feel like referencing today so I will just put out my knowledge as it flows.
I grew up in a traditional background believing in being with one person and that is what women wanted. Interesting in of the temptation to cheat was always there? This did not make sense; if we as human beings are meant to with one person then why even have the temptation? Or are man just more willing to cheat and spread their seeds because of survival instinct. In this theory males instinctively want to spread their genes; male are still not faithful? Have you ever wondered why women are able to have multiple orgasms and keep going even after a male has ejaculated? Did you know that women who are getting near ovulating are 5x more likely to cheat, this is probably why males tend to be around their girlfriends or text more often because of instinctual way to protect. As we know being with one person its pretty difficult the longer you are with an individual. As society we place high expectations on relationships on marriage that when it does not live up to the hype it is a let down. This does not mean I do not date; I just do things differently.
Polygamy on the other hand is having multiple partners, but you could also just have one main partner. When researching on swinger happiness compare to the traditional monogamous relationship the swingers are in general more happy and have more interesting lives just in general. The couple has come to a consensus to be with another partner with established rules if the couple is being a swinger. The open relationship model usually means that there always new partners to have intercourse with. The brain is always seeking for patterns; if you ever notice once you do something so often you see patterns and becomes predictable. When you have intercourse with a partner over and over even if you have variety eventually one way or another you know the outcome. No matter what you do the outcome is going to happen. That is the problem with usual sex advice; at a certain point it will be exciting then the high of dopamine will fade away as time passes. As you are aware if you ever dated in the beginning you are all excited then as time passes the bond form from the chemical vasopressin settles in. This forms the long-lasting bond for child-bearing and taking care of children. As relationships get to three years or so it now becomes a habit of being around the other individual and all those good feelings is what makes a relationship last, or the opposite will break the relationship.
The way I usually set up my relationships is with open communication and honesty. I found out that being dissipative and lying to women to a relationship or intercourse just does more damage. Speaking to someone I usually speak about intercourse because it’s a subject which I enjoy speaking about with women. I learn a lot this way and shows am comfortable with myself and sexuality. I tend to be very physical in the sense that a touch a women on her elbow, thighs, lower back, and hair I like to see how comfortable the women is with me. This also allows the hippocampus where emotion, memory, and autonomic nervous system to remember me. Essentially am getting the women use to my touches if she is aware of this or not. When it comes time to have intercourse she will be okay with my touches and presence. Above all else I like to enjoy myself because emotions are contagious and if her brain has more positive memories with me than negative she will be more incline to spend more time with me; as humans we seek more positive than negative emotions in general. After all said is done by now I would’ve had an open conversation of what I desire and I am looking for; this allows the women to know ahead of time if she forms a relationship with me it will be highly sexual but I will also be there for her and listen to her. How many times I see man not listen; if you pay to what people have to say you will be surprise how much information you could obtain.
In conclusion Monogamy leads to a low sexual drive. There actually studies on this. The routine tends to kill attraction, people stop taking care of themselves, the arguments, being in a relationship for just being in one, not being honest, no actual communication.
The positive is that you have someone there with you, good emotions and feelings being around someone you know. Long lasting partnership if you go thru the hardships; long-lasting bond. Do not get me wrong monogamy has upside and downsides it just comes to personal choice.
Open relationship leads to higher sexual drive if you are constantly having intercourse. Leads to more robust sexual experiences, variety and you need trust and open communication. The negative ones is that if a relationship is just sexual it probably will not last, you need other emotions to sustain a relationship. The other person will leave if there is no other thing involved than just intercourse. Also to really sustain a sexual relationship you need to give good sexual experiences.
1.What Do Women Want? Daneil Bergner – Love this book it delves into sexology, Sex therapy and other profession into what women really want well in theory, but has a lot of modren research.
2.The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is a Necessary as love and Sex By David M.Buss – It’s really honest about sexuality and will change your perspective on sexuality.
3.Sex At Dawn “How we Mate, Why we Stray, and what it means for moderen relationships” by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha – Is brutally honest how we go into certain passion and how we are different and how sex drives us.
4.The Mating Mind By Geoffrey Miller – Looks into the mind being more of a way to attract potential mates than for intelligence.
5.Bonk By Mark Roach – It’s mainly talking about intercourse and women
6.Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence – Great for understanding emotions and success and people
7.The Secret Language of Feelings Calvin D. Bayan – Great for understanding people emotions and your own.
8. Urban Tantra By Barbara Carrellas – This book is great if you desire to learn Tantra
9.Fifty Shades Of Grey E.L James – Great book for ideas and seeing into a women mind
This are a few books which will keep you occupied for a little, enjoy and let me know what you think.